Most of the month I spent it with Isabel, doing Perth things. A lot of brunches and beach days. She moved back to London and everyone was worried about our friendship. Everyone was asking what would we do without each other. Honestly the one thing I’m most concerned about is the fact that I don’t have anyone to go with gigs to. We’ve have spent a lot of time together, wanting the same things and being codependent. In this point in our lives we are both wanting different things and have different priorities.
Emotionally November was been tough for me. I have a lot going on in my family health wise and it’s been hard to see the people I love go through so much pain. I noticed that this month I was not letting myself express how I feel and internalising it all and it took a toll on my mental health. I’m definitely better at allowing myself to sink into my emotions but in certain situations I have the tendency to withdrawal and hold back. I do this because I tell myself it’s what everyone else around me needs. What they need me to be —this is the story I tell myself. I know that everyone just needs me to be me, but I have these ideals about myself, and expectations on how I should act in certain situations. I’m still defining strength as showing no sadness, no fear, taking charge and just dealing with everything. But I can’t help or be there fully present for anyone else when I’m not looking after myself, checking in with what my needs are and making sure that they’re being met. This is something that I’ve been working through for a very long time, and will probably be continually working on it.
One of my intentions for the month was to practice Kundalini Meditation. I’ve been doing this super easy and quick Kundalini mediation for beginners. I’ve found that it’s helped me comeback into my own body, to feel and release my emotions. I’m able to check in with myself and have greater awareness of my habits. I don’t meditate everyday, I just do it when I feel like it. When my intuition tells me too.