My current mindset is completely different to how it was at the beginning of September.
At the start of the month I had a mental breakdown over being back in Perth. As much as being in Perth is easy, living in London was easy in a different way. Everything I was looking for in Perth, I already had in London but I decided to leave it behind. It has taken me a while to accept that getting a job in Perth is a lot harder than in London. This was the biggest set back for me. Truthfully, I’m not 100% unemployed. I work on the side for my parents. It adds up to about a day, a week. But wanting to live on my own again, on this income is just not feasible.
Living on my own was my number one thing to do within the year of being back in Perth. I’ve been stressing about this since I’ve landed…I’ve only been back for 2 months. You’ll soon realise that I’ve the tendency to solely focus on a goal until it destroys me. Usually it starts off good but mixed with the pressure I put on myself, it’s all very self destructive. But don’t worry I’m working on this.
As we start October, I couldn’t be happier to be unemployed. Which is very new for me. I love working. The fact is, it’s not that I love the job I have. I just love putting in hard work everyday, as part of my routine. And instead of doing it for someone else, I’m doing it for me! I’m now using my time to work on building something for myself. Building my life. I’m allowing my creativity and ideas to flow, that I’ve suppressed since 2012. I’ve worked through my self doubts, let go of the past and the attachments I had. The biggest thing was that I stopped telling myself the story that I needed to be a different version of myself in Perth. In London I was truly free. In the sense that everything was on me, I had to trust myself. Coming back to Perth I felt myself falling into past habits and putting it off as “oh it’s just what Perth does to you…” I had this idea of the person I was in Perth, who I had to be. But I don’t have to be anything I don’t want to be. It’s time for me to take control and responsibility of what I want and stop making excuses because I’m scared.
Today, I truly feel happy. The happiest I’ve ever been. I’m so excited about life and my life in Perth. I’m truly present and open to receiving everything the universe is giving me.